In honor of feeling so grateful for my 30 years on this magnificent Earth, I have made a list of things I have learned and another list of things I hope to learn in the next 30 years.
Lessons Learned:
Track & Field is not for everybody. No amount of practice was ever going to transform me into Marion Jones. This skinny Mexican girl was never going to be successful at jumping hurdles, triple-jumping or any other nonsense that comes with T+F. I found soccer to be a much better fit. I loved the physical contact and the lack of guns going off. Lesson learned: Try. And if doesn't work out - get out and find a better fit. Like when I left my torturous first PA job at a famous director's office. It took me 3 months of sobbing commutes and hating my existence, but when I finally got the courage to admit to myself that it wasn't working, I left and immediately stumbled on a costumes assistant job. This led to a happy 5 year career. See, track and field ain't the only sport.
Love is everything. Now maybe it's because I just came back from a holistic spa retreat with my mom and had a very meditative and spiritual experience, but isn't this truth? REALLY. Wealth, status, work, even health, pale in comparison to LOVE. Without it, who cares if you have money or even health? Why does any of it matter if you don't give and get love? Splurging on the spa weekend with my mom was worth every penny. Yes, the massage and fluffy pillows were a treat - but the REAL treat was making memories with my mama. I cherish my good health because it allows me to get on the floor and give LO airplane rides. My arms quiver on the 20th ride but seeing that toothy grin fills my heart. It all comes back to love.
Expect the Unexpected. And embrace it. Did I ever in my wildest, nuttiest dreams think that I would be a "homemaker" and damn happy at it. NEVER. EVER. ever. Yet I am. Who would have thought that I, the eternal dreamer and wanderer, would marry at 22 and that at 30 I would be playing house and raising a kid? I did not. I envisioned myself in some foreign country, doing something completely unconventional like working at a museum, a consulate, a winery. Definitely not doing the oldest profession of all time (and no, I'm not a prostitute. But I'd like to make a case for "homemaking" as being the oldest occupation. Who took care of those bambinos while the men hunted and gathered??) So here I am, living very conventionally and loving it. Go figure. Maybe it has a little to do with the previous lesson - amore?
Hold on to friends. Tightly and don't let go. If she was there to hold your hair back while your head was in the toilet of some seedy bar bathroom while angry girls pounded on the stall door, eager to relieve their bladders - that's a friend. If she attended 5 bridal showers and then went to your bachelorette party in Vegas and later flew to El Paso for your wedding - that's a friend. If she knew you when you were a serious fashion victim and saw the diamond in the rough that you were - that's a friend. If she thinks that you're smart and funny and good, especially when you're not feeling this way about yourself - that's a keeper. In my experience, it gets increasingly difficult to make true friendships the older I get. Opportunities to bond with somebody are limited due to the "grown-up lifestyle" i.e. work, family, chores, sleep…repeat. Sleepovers or a semester in Europe are hard to come by these days. Super sad but true. So if you made some great friends during these less hectic times in your life, when booze and boys were your interests and not babies and baking - hold on to them. Forever.
Ok, so I know I must have learned more things. But I can't remember. Is "30 the New 60" for me? Oh no.
Things I still hope to learn:
Don't seek Perfection. It is a losing battle. Why waste my time? No, my house will never look like a page out of Architectural Digest. No, my abs will never be…well, ABS. It'll just be a stomach - a flat one, if I work hard. But with no signs of ripples or six-packs. No, my daughter will never behave perfectly and calm. Even on my birthday…urggg! No, I will never read all the books on my "I Should Read These Books To Be A Decently Smart Person" list. And do I really want to read Proust's seven part essay when instead I could read some Brit lit that really lights me up? Life is short…read what you want.
Love Thyself. At least as much as I love others (or even more, according to some Buddhist teachings I've been reading). I tend to be quite compassionate towards those I love. I empathize with LO if she's angry or frustrated and therefore acts like a she-devil. Yet if I'm a pain in the arse, I tend to embark on a self-loathing journey that usually ends with tears and poofy eyes. Lately it has occurred to me that if I directed some of that compassion towards myself, I would get over my pissy mood faster and spare myself the self deprecation. Perhaps I could be kinder to myself. Become a real pal to myself. Take it easy on me.
Embrace Aging. I'm starting to see wrinkles on my forehead. Crap. I got one grey hair on the right side of my head. Boo. I see some varicose veins creeping up on my legs. Yikes. I love short shorts. What to do? I'm not delusional. I know that 30 does not classify me as old. Not even close…right? Of course not! Yet, one can not deny that some things do not look like they used to in their more youthful state. I plan on battling this by BOTOX, what else? No, not really (not yet). My plan is to remind myself that I will never be this young ever again. Each day I only get older, so I may as well appreciate it for all it is. Tiny varicose veins and all. Because one day, my legs may look like one of LO's crazy sketches - blue lines haphazardly intersecting eachother. At least today, I am quite firm and wrinkle-free. So I'll wear those shorts.
I hope I learn much more than these three things. But it's a good starting point. Plus, LO woke up from her nap and there is a birthday to celebrate, after all.
Lots of love.
J
