I'm in love. For the third time. My first love was P. I was eighteen and had no idea what I was in for. I remember feeling scared, not of commitment, but of feeling something so strong for somebody that I hadn't known for very long. After all, every person I had really LOVED in life so far had known me my entire life, i.e. parents, brothers, grandparents. But this was a "new" person finding a way into my heart and taking up permanent residence in it.
The next love was LO. And what a love affair that has been. Rapid, intense, limitless. The kind of love worth dying, killing, stealing for. A mother's love for her child is so natural that it almost feels like it was always in you, just waiting for the little creature to emerge. Then the child appears and "BOOM," you've been hit. Hit with a love potion so powerful that you only have eyes and ears for your spawn. And you are never the same. You look the same to the world, but you just know you're different. You are no longer worried about your own well being first. No matter the actual physical distance from your child, you are never far way. Your mind stays close. For example, you're at the movies on a rare date night: count the times you think of your kid, involuntarily of course. I enjoy a night out as much as the next mom but it will scare you silly to actually count the times you think of your nugget. I counted 7 times last time. Wow. And P and I practically ran out the door in excitement of our date night.
I read an article by a new mom who wished to tell the world that motherhood (or parenthood) is not that hard. She didn't understand how people herald parenting as the most rewarding and most difficult job. She made comparisons to a brain surgeon. Her point being that cleaning up spit-up and changing diapers were nothing like performing brain surgery. She said we (society) need to stop saying motherhood is so difficult. Apparently, she must have an easy infant. I want her to deal with a colicky baby and she will see that soothing a howling baby will seem as grand as rocket science! But I do agree with her on one thing. The actual caregiving duties are not what make motherhood difficult. Of course, in my experience, it's not a walk in the park either. But there are more rigorous, laborious, and mind-challenging occupations out there. I'll give the author that. What is missing from her argument is the "human element."I think most parents would say that, no matter the age of their children, they're constantly concerned with their well being. They basically care about another person more than they do themselves. You pray for their good health, for their happiness, for everything beautiful in the world for them, but you really can't control any of it. And that is the difficult part. Not the diapering or nursing. Oh and it's a life-long job. No early retirement here.
And now for my third love. Little ML. It's been 2 weeks and I don't know how I lived without her before. I heard my OB say "Open your eyes Jennifer, look at your daughter." My eyes were squeezed shut, possibly trying to shut out the 10 random people (nurses, techs, pediatricians, janitors probably) looking at my nether region, She arrived at 10:41 am and by 10:42 am, I knew... it was LOVE. She was mine. Forever. And just like that, I have two little people occupying the world whom I will never stop loving, caring and dreaming for, and worrying about. And that for me is the most rewarding and most difficult job I will ever have.
