These are thoughts of a crazy person. In other words, a mother. This is a game we play daily:
WORTH IT or NAH, NOT WORTH IT.
As I notice that ML is happily engaged taking apart a Kleenex, I ask myself if it is worth the $1.99 and the ensuing mess of giving her the entire box to "play" with. It would take her at least 20 minutes to get through it. I could return a couple of phone calls, empty the dishwasher, water my barely-living plants, and peel some vegetables. Verdict: WORTH IT. (I feel a slight ting of guilt at the wastefulness but feel better that my dying plant might live another day.)
In the rearview mirror, I see ML is dozing off just a few blocks away from home. If she even shuts her eyes for 2 minutes, I know she will trick her body into thinking she has had a full nap. And today, I need a break from her crazy toddler shenanigans (e.g., finding a pen and going to town on herself, standing on our glass-top coffee table, throwing my cell phone down the stairs, screeching like a banshee). Back to my dilemma, how do I keep her awake? Should I give her my water bottle that she uses more as a shower head than a drinking device? Yes - the cold water will jolt her awake and could also serve as a mini-bath. Win-win. The car seat will dry out eventually. Verdict: WORTH IT.
Should I pile the kids in the car, subject myself to hear "Let it Go" for a gazillionth time and drive 20 minutes to the gym? Only to get there and spend 15 minutes acclimating the baby to the childcare room, then make a break for it, start my workout and get pulled off the treadmill by my screaming baby.
Verdict: NOT WORTH IT (Instead I will do some planks at home and hope that the extra weight of a toddler on my back while doing them gives me chiseled abs.)
LO wants to "help" fold laundry. I have 4 loads to complete while baby naps or else she will destroy my piles, so time is of the essence. If I let LO help she will be so pleased with herself for being helpful. And she may practice some sort of motor skill (or at the very least, a life skill). Plus, she will definitely be doing laundry someday, she might as well start learning. I can't wait to outsource this chore ASAP. I hate laundry. Verdict: WORTH IT (Even though the clothes will be more crumpled than before they went into the washer.)
To drink or not drink? That is the real question. I can doze off while watching Golden Girls reruns or I can get dressed up and grab cocktails with my girlfriends. Duh. Verdict: WORTH IT always. (Unless you overdo it, in which case you will pay dearly. A hangover with little ones poking your eyes and ears to wake up has to be one of Dante's Inferno circles.)
And just this minute, I am weighing whether it is worth writing these remarkable observations that maybe two people will read. One little monster busies herself with emptying the contents of my junk drawer and the other one is who-knows-where (never a good sign when they are quiet). So, the verdict is still out on this one.
See, motherhood is basically calling shots. Making judgement calls - big and small. Like, which kid should you save first from the pooped bathtub? The assailant or the victim? Day in and day out, we make life-altering decisions such as these. Riveting stuff, people.
