It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day minutiae of our busy lives. Trivial details like cooking dinners, carpooling, packing lunches along with the huge responsibilities of working and raising children often leave little or no room for thinking. Let alone time for some good ol' introspection. Am I doing alright? Where is my life going? What is the meaning of life? You know, those deep philosophical questions you would ponder in college between keg stands and quizzes. Now, as bona fide adults, we busily shuffle from one task to the next, checking off our to-do lists. Then we lie in bed and think of all that hasn't been accomplished, exhausted and depleted, we doze off to sleep for a few hours (hopefully - if there isn't a sleep-stealing baby in the mix) and wake up to do it all over again.
This is the pace of modern parenthood. We move fast, sprinting through life, practically. Yet this isn't to say we don't have beautiful, tender moments in between or even while doing these tasks. Recently, P and I found ourselves on the floor (NO - not that kind of tender moment!) of the laundry room, playing catch with the girls (it was really more like a game of keep-away from M, who likes to steal the ball and run off with a mischievous laugh). We were in the middle of cleaning up after dinner and that is what we did instead - played, laughed, made a memory. Who knows what we ate or how many tears were shed (we have 2 girls who are quite dramatic!) or any other detail of that day but our impromptu game remains in my memory.
Spontaneous dance parties have become commonplace over at our place. We blast music (current favorites of the girls are anything by Swedish House Mafia and of course, Taylor Swift's Shake it Off), LO turns off the lights and M spins around until she dizzily collapses. And we dance. No chores - no timeouts - no talking. Just dancing and laughing. The rest of this day is as gone as that pot of spaghetti I made (why do kids love spaghetti so much???) yet I can still hear LO singing her (way-off) version of the lyrics and I can picture M doing her wobbly jumps in her bunny footed pjs. That remains.
Memories are all we really take away from our days. So, when I do have time for some reflection, I tend to tell myself (and write on my to-do list) to make more memories, to finally really take the kids to that Dinosaur Park across town, to listen more, to be more present, to relax more, etc. All these measures are great and would be so amazing to accomplish. They are definitely something to aspire to. Can you imagine? NO yelling, NO bad moods, NO stress, endless reserves of patience, and a zeal for adventure! But that is not reality. Reality is much more, well... poetic and beautiful and complicated. Reality makes the sweet moments well-earned. Because just when you think you ruined the whole day for being a cranky ass and that you really sucked and you feel your hands and back ache from cleaning up messes, cooking, fixing the 250th snack of the day (kids eat A LOT, yo!), wiping butts and noses; but then you had a dance party and that is all that remains! Your kids laughed, you kissed your equally-tired partner, and you all were just fine.
Maybe the trick is to remember that our memories are quite forgiving. We rarely remember the inconsequential things, the small hiccups in life. We remember the REALLY GOOD and the REALLY BAD. So maybe, instead of aiming for perfection all the time, we are better off sprinkling our days with REALLY GOOD stuff and limit the REALLY BAD when possible. Chances are that we are already doing this or at the very least trying to. So we can scratch "Make Memories" off the list. Because we are making memories, really good ones, while washing dishes, during carpool, in the bathtub.
And perhaps, we shouldn't feel so bad about our busy lives. It's ok to work hard, play hard, engage in fulfilling activities, tend to our homes. We are creating a sturdy, colorful canvas for our children to paint their childhoods on. We are building careers that support our families and will provide us with a comfortable retirement. We are providing a safe, warm environment to house the dreams and potential of our children. It's not only ok to be busy, we should be thankful to be busy. Maybe we should forget about feeling guilty and stop worrying about being too busy.
Because maybe we are doing alright.
No comments:
Post a Comment