When you are a stay-at-home mom, you are mom 24/7. You don't go off to some badass job to boss people around and change the world. Perhaps during these years out of the workforce I have idealized the working thing a tad. Apparently, when I go back to work, I would love to be some powerful diplomat who saves babies and brings order to unstable countries. (If you hear of any openings like that, let me know. I'll email my resume' stat.) But back to my current job. The title pretty much sums it up: you stay home. And you tend to everyday household duties and all those living in the home. I do it and like it and that is that. And the husband is usually blown away by my aptitude for all things domestic (excluding my knack for losing his favorite socks.) So it's not that I don't feel appreciated. It's just that I don't wear other hats. I do not moonlight as a crooner at a Jazz club. I do not teach yoga. I'm not even part of a club (does my AAA membership count?) No Book Club, Winos Club, nada. Shoot - lately I can't even get a workout in. The baby is going through some serious separation anxiety. I was on the treadmill, barely breaking a sweat when the lady came to tell to please come collect my child. She had been crying the entire 10 minutes she was in the gym childcare center. A severe imbalance exists in my life right now, as I assume does for many stay-at-home-moms. And for the most part, I'm at peace with it because I know it is temporary. A major advantage of being on Baby #2 is that I am mega aware at how rapid it all moves along. In the time it takes to grow out my new bangs, ML will be past this stage. She will happily wave bye to me and I will be enjoying a 90 minute Boot Camp (who am I kidding? I'll be lucky to make it through the 30 minute Sit & Fit Senior class. Baby steps, for both ML and me!) The point is that despite all this imbalance, I know I will slowly find more balance. Babies grow and get more independent. And it happens quickly folks.
So I'm not complaining. I love my life and my role right now. It has been a deliberate, thought-out choice. It presents its challenges and its triumphs like any other job. I feel the value in what I do and the best part is that I love it. I love spending most of my time with these two Pumpkin Pies. I love that I can stay in my pajamas on snow days, drink hot chocolate, play games and still feel like I had a productive day (unless you work at Google, where else could you get away with this? ). And the fleeting nature of this stage makes me love it even more. When you are raising young children, you live in awe of time. You cannot believe how days that go by so slowly and routinely can quickly add up to months and then whole years! I know that someday in the not-so-far future, I will be juggling school drop-offs, career, and extracurriculars. I will get to put on other hats. Right now, my mom hat is sitting nicely atop my head and I love my signature look. I know someday soon I will have other hats to hang on the coat rack.
In the meantime, friends help restore some balance. I didn't need to join a club or become a Zumba instructor. It turns out that I just needed a long weekend with my best friend.
This is the kind of friend you can call and spew your rawest feelings to without fear of judgement or reproach. The kind of friend that you don't have to fake anything with. You are you and she is..., well, she - if that makes sense? You have known one another for so long and been through so many stages that your friendship is timeless. Being around her makes you feel 16 again, taking road trips together and navigating new boyfriends, new freedom and new hairdos (for the record: 5 ponytails coming out of 1 head is not stylish.) And although you have trekked many miles since that stage in your lives, somehow when you come back together again, you feel the same. You are the same person but now you take care of little people. You are still that girl with wild dreams and wild hair. And she gets that and sees that girl. She doesn't just see the crazed mom in leggings with avocado and berries smeared on her t-shirt. She doesn't just see you as a mother and wife. She sees you as the whole person that you are. The whole person that is so divided up right now, who often neglects herself for the sake of these little people. And then you begin to see that whole person again too. She appreciates your cooking as much as she appreciates your sense of humor and ability to down a cocktail. She loves the new you and the old you. She loves you. All of you. You share secret dance moves and countless inside jokes. She is that friend who accepts you and you accept her completely. Your differences have been reconciled long ago. You know her weaknesses, she knows yours and you never use them against each other. It's been a hard-earned friendship. It was fought for, year after year, and now it's in cruise control. I am her child's Godmother and now she is my child's Godmother. We got past the drama of the teen years and the insecurities of our 20's. And now our friendship is like magic.
And we had a magical evening out on the town. Just two old friends, drinking cocktails and talking about everything - from motherhood, to aging parents, to our dream of traveling again someday. But she doesn't know that that night, I did travel. I traveled back in time and picked up a little souvenir - a little piece of me that I had forgotten about. And I brought it back with me. Friendships are powerful. They have time-traveling powers and soul-soothing abilities.
Magic, I tell you.
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