Boob

I've learned that having a toddler inevitably means having mortifying moments.  LO barely learned to articulate her thoughts and already manages to make me duck and hide at times. And laugh my arse off at other times.

She has taken a liking to the following words and phrases:

"No Way" - Self explanatory...her bratty response to me when she isn't feeling cooperative.

"C ya, be ya" - As in "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya." If you're asking yourself why she would be using this super-dated, super-lame adieu it's because her mama is super-dated and super-lame.

"Ohhh, Thank Eee" - Her enthusiastic response to "Do you want to watch Dora?" or "Do you want a cookie?" With a full-on bumpkin accent.

"Teach Dougie" - Referring to the song "Teach me how to Dougie" and she busts out with the corresponding dance.

"Push out Poo Poo" -  She sits on her seat and repeats what I have been coaching her during potty training. I would have chosen my words more carefully if I would have known she'd repeat my instructions every time she has a bowel movement. I hope she outgrows this one fast. I'm waiting for her to say this in a public bathroom.

"Sowwy" - She does not always use this in the normal apologetic way. She may say sorry when she falls, for instance. Maybe she's apologizing to her own body for the pain she has inflicted upon it? I don't know.

"Boob" - She's obsessed with naming body parts. This word is at the top of the list now. She caught me off guard when I was exiting the shower and she stared perplexed. I should have said "this is called a chest." Instead I said "this is a boob." She walked off. Later as P was changing her, she points to her chest and says "boob." Great. She now identifies this body part everywhere (only places where bare chests are acceptable of course): at the pool when men have on swim trunks and no shirt; at Abercrombie where the shirtless male model stands. If she sees a nipple, she'll point and scream "boob." Sorry for the embarrassment at the pool, fellow neighbor. My daughter was not calling you out for having "man boobs" (although you did). She was just practicing her expanding vocabulary.

She's such a tiny tot; I thought I had a few more years before I had to watch what I say but I was mistaken. She imitates EVERYTHING I say and do.

I really only have myself (and P) to blame for these embarrassing encounters. She does not go to school yet nor does she spend any extended (or short, for that matter) amount of time without one of her parents. There are no outside influences to point the finger at. We are responsible for everything that LO learns right now. How frightening.

We better step up our game and teach her perfect and polite diction. Or we could just sign her up for a toddler class and blame the teacher and kids.